I’ve got a funny story… well… I’ve got a funny story that hasn’t happened yet…

It starts with Mom and I driving out of the post office to see a printed flyer declaring a missing parrot who answers to the name of “Paco.” Cool. So Paco’s missing, and all I can picture is a bunch of kids running around a Maui neighborhood on their skateboards and dirt bikes and little push carts going up and down the streets shouting, “Paco! Paco! Come home Paco!”

But here’s the thing… If you’ve got a missing parrot, and said parrot can fly… I’d hate to break it to you kids, but Paco’s probably down in Huelo with his parrot friends by now… So for all our friends in Huelo, please keep a look out for a gray parrot with yellow tail feathers who answers to the name Paco. Just… you know… keep your eyes out…

This got me thinking though…

I want kids. For this purpose and nothing else:

1. Buy kids a pet fish
2. Wait for pet fish to die
3. When fish dies and kids come home saying, “Mom! Where’s Bubbles?” answer this: “Oh no! He must have swam away!”

Yes. You read that right, I want kids so that we can hang missing fish signs around the neighborhood and run around town shouting “Bubbles! Bubbles! Swim home little buddy!” We will look for him at the beach, in the toilet bowl, and in the cat’s litter box. And poor little Bubbles will not be found.

I want the neighbors to join in the search just so that I can see the look on their face when they find out that we’re looking for a FISH! And I want video of all of it.

And now, because I have said this, my mother claims that I will be cursed with the fish that never dies as she was, and I will have to forever clean its tank because the stinker has survived walks in the yard, hunger strikes, and even old age. Know what I say… we’ll see, Mom, we’ll see. I’ll give the fish a year, and then it gets to live with Grandma and Grandpa so that I can have my wish.

Best parenting awards are right around the corner with these stunts!

And P.S. Every word of this is 100% true…